Tuesday, April 17, 2012

His Name Shall Be...

I can't remember why or how Cody and I got into this conversation, but I remember being a freshman in college and Cody sharing his name choices for his children:

Maximus Amadeus Neinast
Theodore Beckett Neinast
and Kaitlan for a girl.

I distinctly remember laughing in my head and thinking - "Yeah right, your wife will never go for those!"

Guess what y'all? I was right!

{I will say that Kaitlan could have made the cut, but then it ended up being my SIL's name!}

Once we got married, we then began to play the "What Do You Think Of This Name?" game. We really never settled onto a name that we both liked, as we always seemed to find a way to nix the others suggestion. {What can I say, we were both very good at finding ways to make fun of potential names!}

Until one day, when we were finally ready to start our family, I mentioned one name and it just seemed to fit. After we found out I was pregnant, {and as Cody would say, the more obsessive I became with choosing names!} we talked more and more about the name and continued to come back to this one choice.

There was only one thing holding me back: the meaning. While I enjoy knowing the meaning of names, I never set out to choose a baby name based solely off of this reason, but I couldn't help but worry that I was somehow scarring our son by choosing a name that meant "reddish" or "a fabled monster." As much as I would love a redheaded little boy, I could just picture someone trying to buy him a bookmark with his name and meaning on it and thinking, "Wow, your mom really loved you! She named you after a monster!"

I still loved the name though and couldn't get it out of my head. So I kept searching different websites, until one night, there was no other option for his name. I found the confirmation that I needed.

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Two years ago, as I was wheeled into the operating room to be prepped for my open heart surgery, I had two thoughts that continually played in my mind:

March 16, 2010 is not the day You have for me to die.
This means that I can have children, right?

March 16, 2010 is not the day You have for me to die.
This means that I can have children, right?

March 16, 2010 is not the day You have for me to die.
This means that I can have children, right?


You see, I'm not sure that I ever really vocalized it to anyone, but throughout the months, weeks and days leading up to the heart surgery, I couldn't help but think that making it through the surgery and having a full recovery was God's promise to me that someday, I would be able to carry our children.

After trying month after month without the result we wanted, I began to question that promise.

Hope sprung again on December 29.

After having our first sonogram and hearing the words that our baby might not be in my uterus, I began to question that promise.

Hope sprung again after meeting with another doctor.

After not feeling the baby move for too many days, I began to question the promise.

Hope sprung again with one ornery little boy who moves on his own timing.

One thing that I have learned through this process is the reminder that God has promised us a hope and a future. {Jer. 29:11} I am so thankful that His plan for us included children in our future and it's a gift that I do not take for granted. Even though I created my "promise" from God during my surgery, I know that above all else, God desires to make me more like Him. It's humbling, it's challenging, it's scary to look into the unknown and see the fears that can arise, but it's all a part of the process of pruning my faith.

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As we set out to name our little man, the meaning chose him. Even before he was a distant thought, there has been one constant in our life: strong in faith.

Griffin

Our little Griffin, we cannot wait to hold you in our arms and see the boy you will grow into. I have no doubt that you will be passionate about many things in life and I hope your greatest passion will always be for the Lord who created you. You are one of the best stories the Lord has ever allowed us to be a part of and I pray we will do Him justice as your parents. You are so loved, my little man!

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3 comments:

  1. Makes me cry! Praise the Lord for baby Griffin! Can Gracin and Griffin play together someday? ;)

    ReplyDelete

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